When we were children, we wanted to be cowboys, policemen, ballerinas, astronauts, doctors, and many other careers. We knew we were not currently those things, but we wanted to become them. We knew the difference between our dreams and reality.

Early in my college years I took a logics course. The book we studied was “Introduction to Logic” by Irving M. Copi. To greatly simplify the teachings of this book, you start your reasoning from a premise statement. The truth or falsity of the premise statement is not part of logic. Once you have your premise, you begin reasoning from there; very carefully using words in sort of a mathematical way. Any variance from the proscribed steps and you will arrive at an incorrect, or illogical, answer.

Research Methods was another class I took. In mankind’s effort to learn more about our world, some really smart and curious guys called nerds, spend their lives doing scientific research to try to find answers to questions about ourselves, the universe, the earth, etc. Each research project must be carefully thought out and constructed. Variables must be identified and controlled. Your hypothesis, or what you hope to discover, has to be carefully thought out. There are many painstaking steps to put together a research project. The process is called Scientific Method. Again, there are many ways to make a mistake leading to worthless results.

Statistics is yet another class requiring careful steps and careful thought. And, dang it, if you vary from the correct procedures, again you wind up with a page full of nonsense. Once, at the start of a statistics test that I had not prepared for properly, I was so scared of a bad grade that I almost threw up on my test! That was logical.

Throughout all of these classes we are taught to keep our emotions out of the equation. Emotional bias is another way to ruin your logical results. Keep those pesky feelings outside. I have seen many students humiliated by insane professors insisting on non-emotional thinking.

So this whole thing about knowledge: What is it? How do we get it? What is it useful for? How do we know what we think we know is true? is one giant pain in the brain.

Thank goodness I have discovered how to really know things. The big bummer is I could have avoided years of dedicated study, late night cramming, stressful testing, counseling to overcome feelings of inadequacy and to learn to face my fear of failure (another vomit inducing process), struggling to complete papers on time (trying to write the papers well enough to avoid the deadly red pen marks), thousands of dollars in loans, loss of income from studying instead of working, and worst of all, thinking I did something useful with all of that.

When you add it all up, the cost in money, stress, struggle, and self deception, is huge. With my new insights firmly lodged in my brain, it is hard to believe parents, grandparents, teachers, pastors, school guidance counselors, and others advise young people to pay the cost, including all of the factors noted above, just to deceive themselves that they accomplished something useful and worthwhile.

With our hard won knowledge and our degree in hand, we are ready to enlighten the world. We are ready to put our knowledge to use. I mean, of course, this knowledge is useful. All of those people wouldn’t have advised us to pay that heavy cost just to gain something useless, right?

Well, I am so sorry to say, they did. All of the struggle and cost, not only could have been avoided, but absolutely should have been avoided. I say this to all of you considering your educational option to attend college; DO NOT DO IT!

Recall when the last time was that you had a discussion with someone where you held each other to the exacting standards of Copi’s logic, the scientific basis for their premises, and the statistical exactitude of their conclusions! Not even nerds talk to each other like that!

If you want to hypnotize someone, just launch into a discussion without emotion. Stick to your facts and watch their eyelids begin to droop, their attention disintegrate, their facial muscles slacken, and their overall expression tell you they have left the room and are far, far away.

So what’s the answer you might ask? Be the knowledge. Be at one with your emotions. Let them be your guide. Your heart will tell you truth. Your emotions cannot be wrong. After all, they are yours. They come from inside your own brain. No one can take them away from you. Pompous nerds be damned!

Once you have unlearned everything the insane professors taught you (and paid off thousands of dollars of student loans, which could take a lifetime), you are ready to transcend your earthly intellectual shackles. Okay, let’s get ready. Go into your best Locust Scorpion pose. Hmmmmm. You are now free to rise to the highest level of intellectual achievement, emothink.Photo by The Random Hiccup on Flickr

If I feel it, I am right. If it’s my opinion, I’m right. If you are right, I’d be wrong, therefore, I’m right. If I talk louder then you, I’m right. If I want my conclusion to be right, it is. If others feel the way I do, I’m right. If my answer makes me feel good, I’m right. If the answer matters to me, I’m right. If the answer really matters, there is no way I can be anything but right and shut up with your logical garbage and magical statistics! Everyone can be right; isn’t that nice. Doesn’t that feel good?

During the 1960’s, the hippies used to say, “If it feels good, do it.” Today’s slogan is, “If it feels good, think it.”

Oh, by the way, just one more thing. Emothink doesn’t work out very well for your plumbing problems. Pipes don’t have feelings and could care less about ours. When you call Mr Fix It Plumbing, we will bring our technically, logically, scientifically, and statistically trained brains to your job. That usually solves your plumbing problems better than loud talking.

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